How I Lost Myself Abroad

Happy Sunday everyone,

It has been a long time since my last blog post. There are various reasons I could name or things to blame for, but it all came down to my own motivation and chaotics in my life.

It actually all began when I lost my daily routine myself.

As a disclaimer: I enjoyed my time abroad tremendously and do not regret anything. This journey of mine has been eyeopening and I feel like it was a needed break. I urge everyone to take chances abroad and get out of your comfort zone and your routine. 

While living abroad has never been a problem for me, I kinda have lost myself in the process of living in Southeast Asia. My routine, healthy dedication and motivation went completely overboard – and I decided to live in the moment and do whatever I felt like. While this can be very refreshing and at times needed - I have noticed that the duration of this took a complete different turn.

I lost track of my normal schedule. While I used to workout 4-5 times a week and maintaining a healthy and balanced lifestyle, I completely threw it overboard while being abroad. I didn’t have a normal university schedule nor a working schedule. I wasn't able to cook in Bali, nor did we have to clean as we lived in a hotel. My days went by without any plan. From being completely relaxed and living in the moment, I began to stress about how I could go to my normal self again. And believe it or not, after all these months I am still struggling.

While I thought it would get better once I am back in Europe I have noticed that my entire motivation was gone. I felt drained and lost my complete direction. Travel blogging, learning more about Social Media and its community exhausted me. As soon as I had something to post, I deleted it. It didn't feel right.

I have so much content to share with you guys. Personal things, changes and experiences abroad. I have learned that while a break from your plan is good, it’s not wise to abandon it completely.

Another thing that bothered me about being aimless was the fact that for once in my life I did not know which direction I wanted to go. My final thesis are approaching this February and I had absolutely no idea what exactly I would like to research, where I see myself working and where exactly do I see myself in the future. My boyfriend and I discussed options, while he has a clear vision of starting his own business, I am left with the question of what I want. 

And what exactly do I want?

Starting from Zero – How I am currently working against the problem

I am in need of a fresh start. To press the restart button and get back to a maintainable routine that keeps up with my college life and work. I am in need of self-care and mental nourishment.

I have decided that I want to explore different parts of my career before actually choosing my path. While I want to stick to event management and international Marketing in particular, these markets are so diverse and I think I need to find my place. I decided to make a mind map of all the areas of interest and came to the conclusion that I want to learn more about online marketing, the managing of different sorts of events (as for example weddings), media campaigns and growth marketing. I want to unleash my own creativity and find my path. 

When it comes to my personal health, I have struggled with the fact that I am usually working at the times I have visited my gym. In addition, my knee injury from months ago is restricting me in a lot of my workouts. But that shouldn’t be an excuse at all, which is why I have decided to find time and work on my mental attitude towards the problem. While leg days, yoga and treadmills still seem to be a far away goal, I am still able to train my upper body muscles and I can ride a bike again.

(I have decided to make an appointment at the orthopedic doctor to see why I haven’t been able to recover completely yet)

Nutrition wise, I have been starting to get back to healthy choices easier than in my time abroad. Since my eating habits and possibility change depending on school and work, I have to start doing some serious meal prep again, which can be pretty hard when you don’t live alone anymore.

Its time for some serious adulting.

I have come to a point of my life where all this traveling and treat yourself moments have to be over, at least for a little while. (My next travels should go back where my true-self found itself: America!)

I have a tons of responsibilities, changes make me anxious. But none of that should stop me.  Right now my main focus is to have a stable income next to school and being able to save up for the future. And being able to do so, I have to do it in small manageable chunks

In conclusion

I have to be honest, Its been tough. I am trying my best to find back to my motivation and why I even started this journey. It’s been a daily battle to stay focused and not procrastinate. And to be honest, I have been so busy since I got back that procrastination is not even an option for me. Time has become so valuable to me and I want to cherish each free minute with something that gives me a purpose and keeps me productive. My time abroad taught me that it is okay to have some timeout and just do things for yourself without thinking - at least in moderation. 

Yours,
Karoline